shopping

[quietann]

So, this weekend I went shopping. Twice. At a mall. The first time was with Karen and Janet, two women who are ex-FTP folks but not susboids. It was _good_ to be with people who enjoy shopping, and don't look down their noses at a mall. (It seems to me that a lot of susboid women think that shopping at a mall is declasse', and one really ought to shop only at cool ethnic stores or Garment District or thrift shops, if one really must shop at all. This doesn't work for me because I am just short and round enough that none of those options have much that fits me.)

It was also nice to not feel guilty for spending money, since my shopping companions, combined, spent about 15 times as much as I did. Less happily, I _really_ need to not get any larger, because I'm at the upper end of the petite sizes, and clothing for women who are short _and_ fat is hard to come by. And this when so many of my female friends and acquaintances are getting new clothes because they are getting _smaller_.

MyweightdoesnotmeanImabadperson MyweightdoesnotmeanImalazyperson MyweightdoesnotmeanImanuncoolperson MyweightdoesnotmeanImanundeservingperson

argh.

The second time, I got a new full-length raincoat with a hood and a zip in liner, at Filene's, for 40% off. Go me!

Comments

[jbsegal.livejournal.com]

Nope. You're cool, good and deserving. Lazy? Maybe...:)

*HUG*

[hammercock.livejournal.com]

Nope, your weight is just a number. You are who you are inside, and that's a pretty cool person. :)

And I shop for clothes at malls, too. I haven't bought any new clothes all year, though, because of needing to save money and because my mom gave me a bunch of clothing.

[pookfreak.livejournal.com]

*hug* I love shopping at malls so let me know if you ever want to go. I find them perfectly acceptable. I have been shopping at Garment District, TJ MAxx, MArshalls and Frugal Fannies mostly to try to save money but that doesn't stop me from shopping sales at the mall.

I'm going to have to check out Filenes and see if they're still running a sale - that raincoat sounds like a GREAT buy and I need one like that.

As for your weight - like Laurie said - it's just a number. You are who you are and we love you no matter what (yes for me it's much easier to see this now and for you its easier to say and believe - I completely understand).

[awfief.livejournal.com]

You're not bad, you're not lazy, you're not uncool.

1) I shop at the mall, too. Call me crazy, but it's nice to have different stores under one roof, so if one store doesn't have anything I like, I can just walk to the next one.

2) I'm working on losing weight, and it takes a lot of energy, thought and time. To me, it's just another project, and it hurts to see people telling me "you look fine, why bother losing weight?" I don't think I need to lose weight to look good -- I'm pretty damn sexy already, and I was when I was 190 pounds (my heaviest) too. To me, it's like my painting course. Nobody ever says "you seem creative enough, why bother taking a painting class?" But to me, that's what it is.

I don't see anyone who isn't on the same track I am as lazy or bad. Society makes us feel that way -- I gave up shopping in the ladies/women's departments a long time ago. That's why I wear button-down shirts (and I wanted color, so I went with hawaiian shirts) and jeans or slacks. It's nice to be able to actually buy women's clothing now, and be able to fit into stuff in the GAP, but that wasn't my motivation.

In other words, I'm not judging you (and I don't think others are, although I can only speak for myself). It's interesting though, that you feel that way -- I've met with a lot of resistance from people, who assume my motivation for this.

[candle-light.livejournal.com]

I suspect it could be quite interesting shopping with Karen & Janet. :-) Do they have even slightly similar taste? Just wondering...

I was just at the Pheasant Lane mall on Thursday buying a dress for a wedding & clothes for the progeny, so I guess I shop at malls also. I find them perfectly acceptable, except at X-mas time.

[quietann.livejournal.com]

Oh, Karen and Janet are a trip :) They actually have fairly similar tastes, though Karen works and Janet is pretty much retired, so they don't overlap a lot. Janet bought way-too-many cashmere sweaters (on sale, and because all her old ones got eaten by moths, but still...). Karen found that Express (a junior clothing store) still makes the jeans for tall girls that she's been wearing since forever, but with Lycra, so she was very excited. It was mostly just fun listening to them talk about Pink Void (Walter's band, for which Janet runs video and Karen is the general all-purpose groupie), and griping about this and that...

pink void

[klingonlandlady.livejournal.com]

oh, h* was just talking about doing tech stuff for them- i had never heard of them before yesterday. funny.

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

MyweightdoesnotmeanImabadperson MyweightdoesnotmeanImalazyperson MyweightdoesnotmeanImanuncoolperson MyweightdoesnotmeanImanundeservingperson

No, it doesn't.

When I first saw a bunch of our shared friends and acquaintances embark on diets, exercise regimens, etc, I was very afraid that my group of friends, the place I'd found where it was safe to be a fat girl, was going to turn into yet another place where people traded Grapefruit Diet tips and said bitchy things about those who are large and competed to be skinniest and eat least.

That hasn't happened, by and large. People have undertaken their diets the same way they undertake any personal project, willing to talk but not proselytizing and/or judgemental; none of my friends who have gone on diets have rejected me for not being on one. The few who've been jerks about their diets were jerks already. :) I have been delighted and relieved to see this.

On shopping at malls: I think many susboid women may see malls as 'declasse', but I think many others just don't like them, without an added layer of judgement. One of the things I see in this crowd is a relative abundance of trying to do what fits one, not what The Rule Should Be.

Anyway. I've babbled long enough. :) *hug*

A.

[surrealestate.livejournal.com]

MyweightdoesnotmeanImabadperson MyweightdoesnotmeanImalazyperson MyweightdoesnotmeanImanuncoolperson MyweightdoesnotmeanImanundeservingperson

Amen!

And as a fellow short person, I know whereof you speak regarding the hell of trying to find clothing (particularly pants) that fit. I didn't cuff my pants because it was cool- I had to because anything that fit around my hips would be way too long.

(I also hate malls, but it has nothing to do with them being declasse'.)

Just a data point...

[tb]

I'm definitely one of those susboid women who doesn't like shopping, especially clothes shopping. For me, clothes shopping is a humiliating ordeal that involves hours of searching through piles and piles of ugly stuff to try (and fail) to find just one item that fits that doesn't make me ill. Presumably, people who like shopping experience it very differently.

I usually end up with mail-order or doing a hit and run of the men's department of discount stores. I'm not even sure what my women's sizes are these days, especially since those arbitrary numbers seem to have little relationship to the actual size of the clothing.

And as for malls, I don't like them because I find them really unpleasant, not because they're somehow declassé. As someone who is perfectly happy trashpicking or getting stuff free from clothing swaps, I have very little sense of class to begin with. For those who like shopping and don't mind malls, more power to you.

I also know how hard it is to break the mental links between one's weight and all the moral judgements our culture attaches to it. After all, "everyone knows" that fat (I think that starts with anything above a size 6) women are lazy, greedy, dirty, smelly, weak-willed and "out of control", whatever that means. Fat men get some of that too, but they have to be much bigger before they're called fat.

So I've been working hard on separating the mere fact of my obesity and its related health issues from the self-hatred and moralizing that get tacked on. Please know that if I take steps to change my weight, it's all about me, and not a judgement about anyone else.

Re: Just a data point...

[rmd.livejournal.com]

especially since those arbitrary numbers seem to have little relationship to the actual size of the clothing.

yes. the cut of women's clothing can vary so much, and that makes such a huge difference. like with a woman i knew who had one dress that was a size 16 that she had to have taken in while the size 18 dress with a different cut had to be let out.

i much prefer shopping in the men's department. although that's partially because i have no hips, so women's pants (which assumes much hipness on my part) don't fit well. it took me a long time to figure out that just because something looked really bad on me, it might not necessarily be because i am a bad evil fat person but was, in fact, more likely to be because the cut is unflattering on me and more suited to someone else's body shape.

[dancingdeer.livejournal.com]

Regardless of size, most mainstream stores have very little to offer to anybody who has more individual and less popular tastes in clothing. I can't think of anyone in our crowd who hasn't gotten frustrated and annoyed trying to find suitable clothing that looks, feels, and fits right.
Malls, however, have their uses - if I need shoes, they're more likely to have *something*, among the 4 or 5 shoe stores, that might fit my hard-to-fit feet.
I do, however, hate shopping, anywhere, so maybe I'm no help. Need to talk myself into doing some more soon, in a couple different places.

[ex-misschili604.livejournal.com]

It was _good_ to be with people who enjoy shopping, and don't look down their noses at a mall

Wish I'd known when I lived in Boston -- nothing wrong with a good day at the mall now and again!