Grrrrr

[quietann]

soooo. It's getting back to me that some of our friends think Ben and I are being cheap, because we are having a potluck wedding and asked our friends to help with various tasks relating to site prep, organization, etc.

We are following in the footsteps of _other_ friends who have done exactly what we are doing... The only difference is that we have a bit more money than these friends. Not a _huge_ amount more, but enough so that our current extended periods of unemployment aren't causing a huge panic (though it will when our health insurance runs out), and our eccentric hobbies are paid for.

We decided to have our wedding this way because it fits with who we are, and our sincere desire to avoid the wedding industry at all costs. The potluck is not only becoming a community tradition, it is an old-world Jewish shtetl tradition, too. Not to mention that whatever food our friends show up with will be better than any caterer's. We _aren't_ asking for expensive gifts -- only donations to my mom's memorial fund -- or having the sort of wedding where the guests feel like they need a new outfit to attend. We also wanted to be able to invite as many people as we wanted, and not have to cut some people off the guest list in order to keep costs down. (And trust me, this wedding is NOT coming inexpensively... there has been a lot of deferred work on the house that is now getting done because it _has_ to be before the wedding, and the money we've spent on the few weddingly things we are having (like rings, my dress, the rabbi's fee, equipment rentals etc.) is already into 5 figures.)

But, because we have money, we are expected to put on a big, expensive "show" for everyone? I don't think so.

Comments

[pookfreak.livejournal.com]

Bottom line - it's your wedding and if they don't like it - they certainly don't need to come - right?

I think what you guys are doing is a lovely thing - it kind of falls along those lines of - a community raises a child, a barn, a home, a family...you're bringing us into something that is very special for the two of you and giving us some ownership of the experience.

So fuck them (sorry for the crudeness) - they don't like it they certainly can go elsewhere.

This pisses me off and I hate hate hate that you're hearing that stuff.
*hug*

[rmd.livejournal.com]

perhaps they'd like to tell you what sort of dress you should wear as well?

oh, and better check in and make sure that, you know, the tables you're renting are to their liking.

feh.

to heck with 'em. it's your wedding, and you get to pick the style. in your case, the style seems to be "comfortable and community-based and fun."

[quietann.livejournal.com]

Actually, the second most critical person is someone I love. but he's critical of everything (I think maybe he doesn't want me to get married at all?)

The most critical is Ben's father, who bitches about how "cheap" we are being every time he talks to Ben. But he's a nutcase...

oh, fer chrissakes.

[hammercock.livejournal.com]

Y'know, if you were having a really expensive wedding and could only invite half as many people, they'd be bitching that they weren't invited. Can't please everybody, so you've got to please yourselves. You're having the wedding you want, and everyone else can deal.

[kathrynt.livejournal.com]

Parents turn into Weird Wedding Pod People. Discount everything his dad says, pretty much.

[surrealestate.livejournal.com]

In that case, consider writing off the family criticism, because that isn't the same as friends, and if you already know the other friend complains about everything (this gives me a guess about who it is), then try not to take that to heart, either. Some people like to critique and don't mean to be hurtful by it.

For anyone else you've "heard" has said that sort of crap, given the unreliability of the rumor mill, at least allow for the possibility that they haven't, but that whoever is passing that information along to you either doesn't like the speaker, and so is trying to get them in a bit of trouble, or possibly is just trying to make you feel bad, or even is just making an honest mistake.

I am frequently amazed at the things I hear about myself saying.