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quietann(This is all edited from replies I made to people who responded to my previous post.)
Transit and Other Lifestyle Issues
I'm aware of the transit issues, but ...![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
deguspice has asked me to point out that we and most other folks in the burbs include in invites the nearest commuter rail stop and an offer to retrieve people from it, as well as crash space and trying to arrange return rides for the carless. Very few people take us up on it.
I know many many people in Camberville who have cars; in fact amongst the susboids I know, probably about 2/3 do (though some, aslyonesse pointed out, share their cars with others.) I really think it's an attitude issue. One friend from Somerville drove up to Lowell for an event, after being told that Lowell was "soooo far away". He was amazed to find that it took him only 35 minutes to get there. And I will agree that suburbanites are more likely to just get in their cars and drive, because for most of us, that's the only way to get anywhere.
yes, I do suffer from slight pangs of guilt about this non-eco-friendly part of my life. Those who knew me when I lived in Waltham may remember that I often took public transit when I needed to go in towards Cambridge or Boston; I even took the MBTA buses, which a lot of Cambervillians won't get near. And in my current job search, one of my priorities is that I want to be able to commute by train and T.
On the other hand, Camberville just seems overcrowded, noisy, and overpriced to me. I wonder how many of the Cambervillians have either lived in the city all their lives, or grew up in suburbs and hated it so much they vowed never to return. I grew up in a semi-suburban part of San Diego, probably equivalent to Melrose in terms of socio-economics and density. Whatever misery I suffered there had nothing to do with it being a suburb.
The Stow Party in Particular
The Stow party was hosted by people probably known only to the real old-time MIT folks (and in fact, most of the people I knew were exactly that -- lillibet, tom & steve, P&F&kylie were all there.) Steve and Amy were around MIT in the early to mid 1980s, and then went to California and only just returned. That does partially explain the low turnout. It turns out that almost everyone else I knew was at J's private-invite thing in Somerville, and of the people I've talked to about it, almost all assumed that we were invited, but we weren't.
The Purpose of "Mob Scene" Parties, and a Slight Whine
I've been using the big parties to stay caught up with folks, but it's really not a very satisfying way to do that. Most of my interactions at the big parties are really superficial, which is why I often end up in a corner reading or crocheting. I just don't feel like I am "getting anywhere" with whoever I actually want to talk with.
More recently, the people I'd most like to talk with at parties are too busy with their partners or the people they are already closer to, so I don't try too hard. (e.g. the couch at the North Reading party was overladen with people like this, but it was pretty clear that there was no room for me, either physically or conversationally. I finally just wandered away, because I felt like they were being pretty rude to me -- though not deliberately -- and found someone who actually *wanted* to have a conversation with me and wasn't preoccupied with cuddling her sweetie or telling in-jokes to her nearest companions.
I told our therapist about the couch, and used the term "people I am really close to" to describe the people on it, and she didn't think they sounded like "close friends". I'm re-evaluating "who my friends really are" and "what it means to have/be a real friend" now... and trying to be less passive about seeking out people who actually have time for me. Trying to be close to someone who everyone wants to be close to is pretty counterproductive.
Transit and Other Lifestyle Issues
I'm aware of the transit issues, but ...
deguspice has asked me to point out that we and most other folks in the burbs include in invites the nearest commuter rail stop and an offer to retrieve people from it, as well as crash space and trying to arrange return rides for the carless. Very few people take us up on it. I know many many people in Camberville who have cars; in fact amongst the susboids I know, probably about 2/3 do (though some, as
lyonesse pointed out, share their cars with others.) I really think it's an attitude issue. One friend from Somerville drove up to Lowell for an event, after being told that Lowell was "soooo far away". He was amazed to find that it took him only 35 minutes to get there. And I will agree that suburbanites are more likely to just get in their cars and drive, because for most of us, that's the only way to get anywhere. yes, I do suffer from slight pangs of guilt about this non-eco-friendly part of my life. Those who knew me when I lived in Waltham may remember that I often took public transit when I needed to go in towards Cambridge or Boston; I even took the MBTA buses, which a lot of Cambervillians won't get near. And in my current job search, one of my priorities is that I want to be able to commute by train and T.
On the other hand, Camberville just seems overcrowded, noisy, and overpriced to me. I wonder how many of the Cambervillians have either lived in the city all their lives, or grew up in suburbs and hated it so much they vowed never to return. I grew up in a semi-suburban part of San Diego, probably equivalent to Melrose in terms of socio-economics and density. Whatever misery I suffered there had nothing to do with it being a suburb.
The Stow Party in Particular
The Stow party was hosted by people probably known only to the real old-time MIT folks (and in fact, most of the people I knew were exactly that -- lillibet, tom & steve, P&F&kylie were all there.) Steve and Amy were around MIT in the early to mid 1980s, and then went to California and only just returned. That does partially explain the low turnout. It turns out that almost everyone else I knew was at J's private-invite thing in Somerville, and of the people I've talked to about it, almost all assumed that we were invited, but we weren't.
The Purpose of "Mob Scene" Parties, and a Slight Whine
I've been using the big parties to stay caught up with folks, but it's really not a very satisfying way to do that. Most of my interactions at the big parties are really superficial, which is why I often end up in a corner reading or crocheting. I just don't feel like I am "getting anywhere" with whoever I actually want to talk with.
More recently, the people I'd most like to talk with at parties are too busy with their partners or the people they are already closer to, so I don't try too hard. (e.g. the couch at the North Reading party was overladen with people like this, but it was pretty clear that there was no room for me, either physically or conversationally. I finally just wandered away, because I felt like they were being pretty rude to me -- though not deliberately -- and found someone who actually *wanted* to have a conversation with me and wasn't preoccupied with cuddling her sweetie or telling in-jokes to her nearest companions.
I told our therapist about the couch, and used the term "people I am really close to" to describe the people on it, and she didn't think they sounded like "close friends". I'm re-evaluating "who my friends really are" and "what it means to have/be a real friend" now... and trying to be less passive about seeking out people who actually have time for me. Trying to be close to someone who everyone wants to be close to is pretty counterproductive.
