Fat women

[quietann]

OK, first I want to say that this is purely my own pet peeve, and has more to do with my own issues than with any individual's.

I guess one of the things I like about this group is that women aren't expected to be skinny (or even "normal weight" whatever that is). But there's a trend for women in the group to be going on diets and otherwise trying to slim down in various ways. This is fine for each individual person, and usually quite justified for health reasons.

What disturbs me more is a further trend to comment about one's progress in one's LJ (or occasionally on a group mailing list). I don't see it happening much, yet, but occasionally the tone of these comments could be construed as critical of anyone who is not dieting/exercising. And it's only happening amongst the women, or at least the public commentary aspect is. I worry about people losing empathy over time and starting to judge others more on their body size. Heck, I worry that at some point *I* will be judged in this way, and found wanting. (I do try to be fairly careful about what I eat, but I don't exercise much... I find that I have many other things I would rather do with my time, and most forms of exercise bore me or make me twitch or sometimes both. And, I know that if I start an exercise program, it has to be a "forever commitment" because every time I do, and quit, I gain 10 pounds.)

There's a larger meta-issue here, which is exactly what does one put in one's LJ? There are things I'd love to write more about, but some of them are in the realm of gossip, and this medium seems way too permanent compared to talking gossip. Some of what I would say, if I didn't have this level of self-consciousness, would be mean, and I don't want the social repercussions. And some of it I would feel ridiculous about sharing semi-publically... it is my biggest fear to look ridiculous, and I am prone to choosing inaction over action if there's the slightest chance I'd be open to ridicule. I _do_ have an inner diva, and even an inner bitch, but both get kept under wraps most of the time

Comments

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

Hey lady! You were so utterly beautiful Sunday, and that includes looking nice and shapely in the reception dress. :)

For the larger issues....on the losing weight one, I know what you mean, and on the what do we put in our journal one, I have some private entries for the things I don't want anyone else to see. Stuff like that.

I should be in bed. I hope I'm making sense. :)

A.

[ceo]

I've noticed that trend too, and it includes people I wouldn't expect it from.

I suspect that posting about one's progress in one's diet/exercise program is actually a fairly effective way to help stay on it. That said, I don't have a problem with people having a commitment to a diet/exercise program, but I do have a problem with people assuming that what's right for them is right for me. For the most part, our community is refreshingly free of that crap.

[hammercock.livejournal.com]

Can't speak for others, but I've posted about my weight loss goals every so often in my own journal. It's just another aspect of my life, sometimes more on my mind than other times. For myself, I certainly do not mean to judge anyone else by my own metric. I'm trying to lose weight for my own physical health, as there is hypertension and type II diabetes in my family (though I don't have either, I'd like to never have them if I can help it); my back and knees would also undoubtedly like me much better if I could drop at least 50-60 lbs, probably more. Yes, some people proselytize, which can be alienating.

As for what to put in your LJ...put anything you want in it! If you want to just get something out of your system, you can always mark it "private" instead of allowing others to view it. I use mine as a combination of life chronology, repository of weird and amusing things, silly quizzes, and, occasionally, a place to vent. Do whatever you like, it's your journal!

[lyonesse.livejournal.com]

i'm presuming that i'm still one of your major offenders here.

for the record: i like having a running log. i even like having a public, commentary-friendly running log in which i post occasional thoughts on other things that are going on in my head. before i was keeping a running log on lj, i was generally a lot less likely to post *anything* here. it's useful to me. it gives me a certain contact with other runners in my community as well; it keeps us reminded of one anothers' existence, gives us a context for arranging running dates, exchanging information on routes, and sharing advice.

i don't think any criticism of non-running (or non-weight-concerned) individuals is implicit in my lj. would you consider the journals of the artistically-inclined to be critical of those who aren't artistically productive? i know those are the ones that make me wish i were doing something i'm not, but i don't imagine that to be their authors' intent, nor would i object to their posting such.

wrt weight per se -- i am currently about the very fittest i've been in my life in some ways (resting pulse 55, which i just can't get over; it's never been below 60 before). i'm also the heaviest i've ever been in my whole life, which i admit i am finding genuinely unpleasant (i now have exactly *one* pair of pants that fit me). these are factoids that are actual bits of my life. since i habitually check my weight as part of my running routine, it ends up in my running log, which is to say in my lj.

i'm sorry if this offends you. i guess all i can say is, i don't write my lj with your response much in mind, and i'm not likely to start.

wrt fat women -- i am not fat, i have never been fat, and i have only second- and third-hand experiences of what it's like. my impression is that it sucks some, and i certainly believe that the cultural pressures are insidious and destructive. that notwithstanding, i like quite a few fat women, & i find some of them attractive to me. i don't have a general issue with other folks' weight. one of the most upsetting things that has ever happened to me, lj-wise, was that a friend of mine read about an event i'd held, and i got the impression she thought she wasn't invited because she is fat. (there were fatter people than her in attendance, who appeared to have a grand old time.) (yeah, we talked about it; it's okay now.) for that matter, my primary running partner is much heavier than i am.

but anyway. the fact that i'm posting about my own body cruft doesn't mean that i'm judging other people in terms of theirs, nor that i encourage other folks to. please don't project such an agenda onto me or my lj. for the record, i really couldn't care less whether you or anybody else exercises or not. do you want me to think in turn that you're judging me ill because i don't have any rats?

[gingicat]

For the record, there is one guy in an overlapping group of friends (dafydd, a sweetie of my friend kshandra) who posts a running/diet log. Since he's in love with someone Tia's size, and not trying to make her diet or otherwise maligning her weight, I really doubt he's anti-fat.

Personally, I judge my need to diet or exercise on little things -- can I pick up the water cooler jugs in the office? can I carry my groceries home from Central Square? -- and feel reasonably okay if I can do these things. I do worry over the fact that I've been *rapidly* gaining weight (the clothes I bought in March/April are already tight) because that could indicate a different health problem.

I also worry about the friends for whom the extra weight seems to be a burden -- those who get out of breath climbing a flight of stairs, or who have shoulder or knee or back pain. But I try not to nag them, especially since some of them are too injured to exercise. I do see them as a warning, though -- as in "you have back pain and knee pain, you should try to lose a little weight to avoid putting stress on those points" not "you're going to *have* knee and back pain if you don't lose weight."

[pookfreak.livejournal.com]

For me - since I'm one of this group that has lost a significant amount of weight I had a few different reasons to do it.

Primarily it was health. I had become hypertensive and was on daily medication. I was not terribly happy about that since I wasn't even 30 when that happened. My fathers side of the family has a history of being over weight, having hypertension and requiring triple-bypass surgery and having other heart related issues. So getting healthier was a primary goal. My knees were also killing me, my back was bothering me, I was borderline diabetic (type 2) and all of these things I wanted to no longer have as issues.

Secondarily it was because one day I want to have kids and I want to be healthy for them so I can enjoy doing things with them and being around for them as they grow up. I didn't want to significantly shorten my life due to my obesity.

Thirdly I wasn't happy. I didn't like myself, how I looked, how I felt. I never felt judged by my weight by this group of people and that I have to say is incredibly refreshing as it does happen out in the general public. But my decision was not based on what others thought but what I thought.

Having surgery to resolve these issues, while most feel it is both extreme and a 'quick fix' is neither. It's been hard sometimes and easy sometimes. It's had its scary moments as well. I use my journal (and associated communities) as a support system for myself as well as to track how I'm doing. So yes for me I will post where I am, how much I've lost, how I feel, how active I've been, if I've been exercising. This is as much for others as it is for me to remind myself I'm moving forward, I'm feeling good.

Do I think this surgery is for everyone? No. Do I have a problem with other people being over weight? Not at all. Everyone is different but as long as they are happy then I really don't care. But for me I just have to look at pictures of me from before the surgery and look at pictures of me now. The difference in weight and look completely aside - if you look at my face you'll see the difference in my happiness level. I really like who I am now. I am doing so much more - playing softball, being more social, being more active in general. I'm happier more than I'm unhappy and none of that was the case almost a year ago.

[awfief.livejournal.com]

Hrm. I'm also probably one of the major offenders here, complete with graphs and such. Lots of my friends ask for the materials for the program I'm on, and I happily explain the program without chastising them for not joining. Also, I am *happy* with my body, and I always (well, ever since my junior year of high school) have been. I think that someone can be sexy even though they may not jive with the BMI. In fact, my inner Diva is and was strong, and despite my weight loss (1) I'm still sexy and (2) I'm not anywhere near what is considered "healthy" for my weight -- I'm still clinically "obese" and whatnot.

For me, I got to a place in my life, after grad school, after settling into my job, where I wanted a new challenge. Weight loss was it. About a month ago, I started another challenge -- running. I think I just take on certain things, and write my progress on them.

A few years ago I had taken the challenge on myself to remember to brush my teeth every night, and I wrote in my journals when I did that and when I didn't. (ew, gross.)

[quietann.livejournal.com]

hm. just a few issues. I guess that recording one's progress in LJ makes sense. "keeps one honest" so to speak.

I have some especial sensitivities around weight and diet. Because I am diabetic, some people try to control what I eat... or point out some specially luscious bit of food and then say, "Oh wait, you're diabetic; you can't eat that!" I find this very annoying, because (a) I can eat whatever I want to, in moderation, and (b) I've been diabetic for almost 27 years, so I know a hell of a lot more about what I can and cannot do than anyone else.

I also spent most of my teenage years battling with my mom over my weight. She was the only normal-weight woman in her immediate family, and very concerned that I not get fat. Part of the power struggle resulted in me developing a fairly bizarre eating disorder (which abated on its own while I was in college).

And then there's the whole issue of regaining the weight one's lost, and yo-yo dieting, wrecking one's metabolism, and all that. I am one of those people who _gains_ weight when trying to diet, because I hate all the restrictions and stuff.

[lyonesse.livejournal.com]

so then i guess the next question is, how much do you think other people ought to tailor their postings to your (or anybody else's) sensitivities?

which i guess gets back to your earlier meta-question about what might constitute "fit topics" for this venue.

personally, i'm all for letting folks decide it for themselves. i deeply believe in feedback, & i think it's useful for say me to hear that say you have issues with what i post.

but i also value listening on its own terms. i'd like it if you could read my lj and think "that's what she's thinking", without extending it to "this must be what she thinks of *me*"....

not to mention finding support in this crowd

[cthulhia]

At my current weight, I am 20 lbs away from when folks in my dad's generation started having massive health problems. Our generation is used to being heavier, although it seems everyday they are discovering how obesity is directly linked to yet another major health crisis in the US.

So my weight is no minor concern for me now. However, I have a known thyroid problem, I don't have cholesterol or blood sugar problems, my BP and heart rate are impressively low for my build.

I still have my fantasies of being thin, if for no other reason, than to be able to buy nicer clothing without the price doubling, but, I'm reasonably aware that I am still attractive (except for my attitude) and that I am fitter than a lot of my more-commercially-targetted-sized friends.

However, with everyone working out, the only way I am going to be able to keep up with their running paces without jeopardizing my joints is to drop about 50lbs. But, I don't want to, like, PAY, for weight watchers when most employers will pay for it. So I hold off until the day comes that I have a full-benefits job, or money to burn.

and... you know... how bout I just walk down the street and talk to you in person?