friendslists

[quietann]

Thanks to various people who have explained the ins and outs of whose LJs they read. I am one of those rare people who keeps a small enough friendslist that I can actually read it all (caveats: I read *very* quickly* and I skim almost everything I read on LJ.)

There's a bit of etiquette here: if you are going to stop reading someone's LJ, do you tell them (especially in a semi-public manner), or just quietly stop reading? I'd go with the latter, although I have been caught up short a couple of times when I've realized that someone who I thought was reading my LJ is not.** In general, *I* would rather not know if/when people are reading my LJ, and I don't find it insulting if I ask someone whether they have read something of mine, and they say no.

** Best example: after prattling on to someone about my current job for about 5 or 10 minutes, having assumed that he reads my LJ, I discover that (a) he didn't even realize that I wasn't a student anymore (it had been almost 3 years), and (b) he didn't even know that between graduating and this job, I'd had another job. I dealt with it by backtracking and filling him in on these things. I was a little surprised he wasn't reading my LJ, but then I looked at his friendslist later on, and he has something like 300 friends listed, and I am far from anyone important in his life.

Comments

[roozle.livejournal.com]

Even for someone who is on my "read" list, I'm sometime inconsistent about reading LJ and sometimes I'm skimming rather fast and not clicking on cut tags and the like. So I might miss things.

[ckd]

I try to keep up with my Default View as best I can. Like roozle, I don't always manage to do so.

I don't specifically tell people I'm not keeping up with their LJs, but I have made my Default View public; if someone really wants to know, they can see if they're on that list or the "more" filter (communities and/or the particularly prolific). I have other, nonpublic, filter groups which are mostly for quick catchups when I don't have time for all the flist, but might have time for a 10% subset of it.

[clauclauclaudia]

I go for breadth rather than depth. I read everybody (except some communities) whenever I'm reading, but I read sporadically so there's no guarantee I've read any particular post by anyone at all. Really, the only way to know what I'm reading is to see what I comment on, I suppose.

Near as I can tell, most people with big friends lists don't do this. They prune or categorize into filters.

[surrealestate.livejournal.com]

This is similar to my habits as well, so yeah, I miss things all the time. Since you skim, you miss things, right? So why be annoyed when other people do, too? I've certainly had the experience of people who I *know* read my LJ not notice something I felt was important just because of timing or whatever.

Anyway, I don't think anyone should use LJ as a medium to get the word out for anything important. IMHO, if you want to push a message, use email or the like.

[vvalkyri.livejournal.com]

unfotunately i do the same thing. 200+ friended and I skim EVERYTHING. If I go a day without reading it's 2 hrs to catch up, so I really do need to categorize...

[whuffle.livejournal.com]

For whether or not I read every post on my friends list, the answer is like you, I tend to skim. When something catches me or is important, I read in its entirety. For people dropping me from their friends list, well, depends on the way in which its done and the reasoning. If someone makes a public announcement and says they are dropping people due to inability to keep up, I am not offended if they drop me especially if I haven't specifically told them that I wanted to continue being read. On the other hand, when someone silently drops me and has stopped making efforts to be a part of my life outside of LJ, I tend to be offended and assume that they just have decided not to make any effort to keep up the friendship. (For the record, there isn't anyone on my friends list that I haven't met in person. Not everyone may be people I see regularly, but I have met them all. In some cases, its one of our only ways of keeping track of each other's busy lives or it has put us back in touch after many years of silence.)

Eh, reality is I have only dropped people off my friends list for the first time recently. And I have only been dropped by one or two people, most of whom did it politely.

[juliansinger.livejournal.com]

I used to be one of the people who said, "If you're not reading my stuff, why am I on your friends list in the first place?"

Then my reading list grew.

But I still generally find that if I'm not reading their stuff and don't plan to start again, I'd rather just take them off my flist, since to /me/ (and me only) there's an implication that if they're on your flist, you're reading them at least occasionally.

I don't feel the need to /tell/ people why I'm taking them off my list, though. Unless they ask.

[awfief.livejournal.com]

I read every post. Period. So I add and drop people a few times a year when it's unmanageable or I find I am constantly going to their page to read 'em.

[koshmom.livejournal.com]

I'm a skimmer, and often once I read them, i don't go back to look at comments or changes. Thus I miss stuff. Ah, well.

[wren13.livejournal.com]

I try to read everything, but it depends on whether or not I have access at work when the opportunity will present itself. I try not to read LJ at home, as I have alot of other stuff to deal with there. So, sometimes I read every day (like this week) and sometimes I read 1-2 times a month, and have marathon reading sessions which involve a bit more skimming. If I have time, sometimes I'll just read one person's LJ for an hour, catching up on back posts I missed somehow, or clarifying a point in conversation.

blah blah. me me me, not you. I got carried away. Take me off your flist. ;)

[bethr.livejournal.com]

I'm going through this LJ space right now in which I'm fretting about the size of my flist (too large and watered down) and practically daily think about cutting folks---not because their stuff isn't relevant to me---it's fun to read regardless---but because I have all these concentric circle sublists depending on how revelatory I want to be and about what: the sex list, the all-girl list, the locals list, the "everyone but xf and anyone who'd innocently think that I include him in most of my posts" list; and finally the "if you breathe a word to anyone about this, we're all fucked and not in a good way either" list---it'd make a neat little Venn diagram. ;)

[and, fear not, I'm under the impression that because you are female and local, you are in all my circles of Hell, so to speak]

In any case, if you do make a Venn diagram of all those circles, just about everyone is on at least one of the sub-allfriends lists. And the ones that aren't...I just don't have the heart to take them off totally, because I feel like it'd be a repudiation or an insult or something, and there's no one I can actually repudiate and not feel bad about it.

OK. the end. back to comments about you.

[davidfcooper.livejournal.com]

There are times when I may not get to LJ for days on end, & then haven't time to catch up. When I am on I browse individual friends' LJs and rarely get to the communities. Some posts I skim & others I read. Of your posts I tend to skim the work related ones & read the others.

Re: blah blah. me me me, not you. I got carried away. Take me off your flist. ;)

[kimberlogic.livejournal.com]

I read everything. I'm commenting/posting far less these days, due to school/work/dad/wrist issues. It doesn't bother me that others skim. I tend to skim every day, and go back and read in more detail about every other day.

[sebastian-tombs.livejournal.com]

Unless I am out of town, and the backlog is too large for LJ to handle (1000 messages), I at least skim everyone and everything on my flist. How in detail I read tends to be based on a variety of things, like interest in the writer, interest in the topic, and amount of time to read.

I don't assume that other people read my stuff. If it is critical information, I will send e-mail.

I do have a small number of people I haven't met on my flist, and I have a number of brief acquaintances on there too. I don't feel bad defriending someone who I barely know who moves to someplace far away, and I am not likely to run into again.

If you are a friend, and I know of your lj, you will be on my flist, and I will try my best to keep track of what's on your mind and what's going on in your life.

[gingicat]

Basically, I care about too any people (you among them) such that I long since filtered all communities out of my default reading list in favor of having more time to read my friends. Now, I have too many people to read and I'm rather at a loss to do about that.

[altaego.livejournal.com]

I don't have that many LJ friends but I have dropped a couple of people who I don't know IRL but added at some point. Rather than say anything to them or take the off my friends list so they could see it, I just took them off my custom default view list. It is pretty passive, but they weren't people I really knew and they didn't read my journal.

It often seems like voyerism to read "strangers'" journals. I found yours through Salon and Reed.

I still like Salon (I think I naturally defend anyone who seems to be being attacked (like Joan)). Also their stuff on Abu G. and the Bush administration still seems relevant. I'm not tuned into the Anti-Semitism. As a convert, I feel a little hesitant to wade into the topic of Israel. But Salon does seem to have the right opinions about what is going on in the US.

[quietann.livejournal.com]

I think it's fine that you read my LJ; my guess is that if we actually were to meet in real life, we'd both go, "Oh, *her*!" (in a good way)

Sep[aking of which, is your Reed 20th reunion next year? Mine is, and I am planning to go. I can't remember what class you were in...

Salon has just gotten weird. I agree with the politics (except for the Israel issue), but the actual signal to noise ratio has gotten much worse.

(and... have you looked at any of the freeper letters pouring in over the "Country Boy" story? I am appalled by them. The letters from "our" side seem a bit more thoughtful, and definitely better written...)

[hawkegirl.livejournal.com]

I just drop them if I'm going to drop them.

It's usually obviously why.

If it's not, I will send them an e-mail explainging.

[happyfunpaul.livejournal.com]

Everyone on my friendslist is someone I know in person, because the flist is too huge as it is.

I have two reading filters, "read always" and "read when I have time", although I think I ought to separate it into three-- "read right away", "read when I have time", and 'read if I have time", because there are entries I don't especially want to miss (mostly blog-type feeds, and filker friends) but that are not timely. As it is, most though not all Boston folks are in the first category, simply because it's more likely that something they write is time-sensitive (like last-minute foo announcements, say). You're in it.

I don't normally tell people which filter they're in, or when/if I shift them. Which is hypocritical, because I want to know who's reading me-- I'm fine either way, I just want to know which so I can talk with them iRL with appropriate assumptions.

Ideally, I'd like to spend only 30 minutes per day reading LJ. I actually average far more than that, but I have yet to figure out how to the drastic pruning that would be necessary to approach my ideal.