Death Sucks
May. 10th, 2002 11:35 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
quietannSo, we went to a funeral for one of Ben's friends yesterday... I'd only met her once, but she and Ben knew each other from high school (over 20 years) and other common interests over the years.
It was an Orthodox funeral at one of the Jewish cemeteries in Boston. Lots of people, very sad. Tova was only 36 and her death was not expected by anyone. It's not entirely clear at this point how she died.
I think the Jewish cemetery got to me. A number of gravestones were for people who died in the Holocaust -- no body in there, obviously, but a marker that shows _someone_ remembered (as will we all). And a couple of gravestones had the names of the dead person's relatives who died in the Holocaust carved into the back. Normally, I like cemeteries -- especially really old ones -- but I think this one got to me because it was all Jews, all people I have a connection to.
And once again, I am struck by all the Orthodox (and general Jewish) rituals and superstitions, and how they make sense to me (unlike any other religion's). Leaving little stones by the graves as a mark that you were there, and do not forget the dead. The mourners throwing handfuls of dirt into the grave (though we missed that part). Pouring water over one's hands as one leaves the cemetery. The procession of the relatives through two lines of mourners -- without condolences or anything but witnessing the relatives' grief (which was extreme in this case).
At the same time, I am happy that my mom did not want a traditional Jewish funeral. In fact, we broke with halakah, by her wishes. She was cremated. My dad and brother and I hiked into the local mountains, about 5 miles from where she had her first job in California, and scattered her ashes.
Death sucks, but the mortality rate _is_ 100%.
It was an Orthodox funeral at one of the Jewish cemeteries in Boston. Lots of people, very sad. Tova was only 36 and her death was not expected by anyone. It's not entirely clear at this point how she died.
I think the Jewish cemetery got to me. A number of gravestones were for people who died in the Holocaust -- no body in there, obviously, but a marker that shows _someone_ remembered (as will we all). And a couple of gravestones had the names of the dead person's relatives who died in the Holocaust carved into the back. Normally, I like cemeteries -- especially really old ones -- but I think this one got to me because it was all Jews, all people I have a connection to.
And once again, I am struck by all the Orthodox (and general Jewish) rituals and superstitions, and how they make sense to me (unlike any other religion's). Leaving little stones by the graves as a mark that you were there, and do not forget the dead. The mourners throwing handfuls of dirt into the grave (though we missed that part). Pouring water over one's hands as one leaves the cemetery. The procession of the relatives through two lines of mourners -- without condolences or anything but witnessing the relatives' grief (which was extreme in this case).
At the same time, I am happy that my mom did not want a traditional Jewish funeral. In fact, we broke with halakah, by her wishes. She was cremated. My dad and brother and I hiked into the local mountains, about 5 miles from where she had her first job in California, and scattered her ashes.
Death sucks, but the mortality rate _is_ 100%.
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no subject
Date: 2002-05-13 09:08 am (UTC)Most of the Judaic laws make sense. They may not make sense for *now* (kosher laws, for example, don't make sense for me in these times) but they do make sense.