dad oddness

[quietann]

So my dad and Helen sent out an "update letter," sort of like a Christmas letter but sent mid-year. They do this when they move, so everyone will have their new contact info and a little bit of news about the doings of the T----- and B---- families.

OK, no big deal.

But... our letter was addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. Ben L---" rather than "Mr. Ben L--- and Dr. Ann M--- T-----" It was in my father's handwriting, not Helen's.

I have never been "Mrs. Ben L---" and I never will be. Dad *knows* this. He knows that if someone calls the house and asks for "Mrs. Ben L---" I will tell them no one by that name lives here. He supported my decision to keep my given name back when I got married 4 years ago, especially because it is attached to the 20 or so scientific publications of which I am an author or co-author. And he is more proud that I am "Dr. T-----" than I am, probably. He's a retired academic; he understands the "value of a name." He also supported my brother's wife's decision to become Mrs. Alan T-----. He understands individual choice.

I don't know whether to be angry, or worried, or just shrug my shoulders. I suppose that if it happens again I'll lean towards angry...

Comments

[sebastian-tombs.livejournal.com]

wren13 gets irate when called Mrs. xxxx, and exceedingly irate if called so after being corrected.

Meanwhile, I'm just amused the times I get called Mr. xxxx (initials wouldn't help here anyway). Of course, I support two spellings of my first name, so I'm probably pretty unusual in how I treat my name.

[rubynye.livejournal.com]

*makes a squinchy face*

That is weird. I doubt he meant anything particular by it, but it *is* weird.

[awfief.livejournal.com]

That's annoying. I've had "so you'll be Mrs. Cabral?" but so far it's only Tony that's had to deal with that -- he's been called "Mr. Kritzer" a few times (usually, I'll set up something like 'bringing the car in' and then he does it).

I'd call him up and say, "I/Ben was about to throw it away as junk mail because of how it was addressed. Then we realized it was your handwriting. In your last letter, you addressed it the right way....???"

[donnad.livejournal.com]

I get referred to as Mrs. A. often and we aren't even married. When I get calls asking for Mrs. A. I inform that that nobody by that name lives here. Depending on my mood I will often tell tham that if they wish to speak to the "Lady of the House" then that would be me, but to assume that because the phone number is in G's name that I share that name is wrong.

I don't think I would be getting angry, It may have been a temporary thing, he was addressing to your brother and his wife at the same time and in that particular mind set.
But if it happens again I would be concerned that perhaps your father's mind/memory is starting to fail him.

[vvalkyri.livejournal.com]

I'd call him up and say, "I/Ben was about to throw it away as junk mail because of how it was addressed. Then we realized it was your handwriting. In your last letter, you addressed it the right way....???"

That sounds like a good way to phrase it.

[altaego.livejournal.com]

My mother is the only one who does the Mr. and Mrs. Male mail to me.

[deguspice.livejournal.com]

I suspect Helen made up the address list for the mailing, and your father copied it verbatim.

When I bring in one of Ann's critters to the vet or her car to the dealer, I'm usually addressed as "Mr. T-----".

[docorion.livejournal.com]

I was "Mr. E" pretty frequently when I was married (my ex kept her last name for exactly the same reasons as you did; her Ph.D. is in chemistry). She also had the habit of putting her name in the company phone book as "Dr. C.J. E----" (using the initials of her first name, which would otherwise have given away her gender), and then waiting for the phone calls which went like this:

Caller: "I'm looking for Dr. E----. Is he there?"
Ex: "No, he isn't."
Caller: "Can I leave a message for him?"
Ex: "Sure. Or you can speak with her, if you wish."
Caller: ...[oopsie]...

She had many flaws, but an excellent sense of humor.

[whitebird.livejournal.com]

Yes, it's really best to call attention to the gaffe and make light of it, instead of seething internally until the next time.

Dr. A. M. T. has a lot to be proud of, and how she expresses her individuality is one of those things. I complain to my folks when they refer to my brother via his childhood diminuitive name instead of how he chooses to be addressed. Happily, they seem to be good about using my actual name, as opposed to the childhood contraction that they referred to me as for most of my young life. Sometimes people don't mean anything by what they say or do.