when will I ever learn?

[quietann]

... that trying to help someone with their kid's issues is just a Very Bad Idea?

I suppose that if I were a parent, I'd be less empathetic towards kids and more empathetic towards parents. But I'm not, and it pains me to see a parent not be empathetic enough with their kid(s).

(empathy defined here as being able to put oneself into the kid's shoes...)

Edit: I should say that when I make comments about children, I'm not just spouting an uninformed opinion. I *do* have considerable training in child and adolescent development. Not at gosling's level, of course...

Comments

[hawkegirl.livejournal.com]

I've really valued some of the things you've said to me, they can give me alot to think about, so I don't think you should stop.

I also don't think you'd stop being as empathic to the kids point of view. Some folks are just wired differently then others. You would probably have more empathy for a parent (also, not instead of) there is something to be said for having gone through the endless sleepless nights of 24hr dependancy on you (or whatever the situation is) that can give you sympathy for others in that state too, but I doubt it would be at the cost of thinking of the kid too.

(Ofcourse I have no clue what situation you're talking about, so I'm just being "genral")

[silver1226.livejournal.com]

i have liked the advice and, i dunno, empathy that you have given me,
i have found it very helpful, and it is nice to know that someone is listening to what I have to say. Of course, I don't think any of my issues have ever involved my parents, so that may be different, all i am trying to say is that will there are times that things might not work out, on average the best think you can do is listen and understand,

Best of luck with whatever theissue is,
I will not ask because it is none of my business
even though i may die of curiousity, um, that is until i find something else to distract me
anywho, best of luck,
talk to you later :)

[hammercock.livejournal.com]

The thing is, when you're a parent, you can try to be empathetic with your child(ren), but in the end you still have to be the parent and adult. The parent-child relationship is not a democracy.

[ailsaek.livejournal.com]

What hammercock said. Yeah, it sucks to have to do pointless homework for fascistic teachers who don't understand you, but well, you still have to do it. I think the places I fall down worst as a parent are the ones where I most empathize.

[gingicat]

I'm going to chime in with the people who point out that Empathy Doesn't Always Help. I'll give you a story from work if you like, it may even make you giggle.

[quietann.livejournal.com]

I have to be really careful here to not make it obvious who I am talking about, but... in very general terms, the situation I was talking about was not one where the activity the parent wanted the child to do was *required*.

It was a situation of the type that is most likely to annoy me, where the parents' expectations for what their child should be capable of weren't terribly appropriate, given the child's age. An example from my pre-suspects life: I was at a friend's house for the Thanksgiving weekend, and relatives came with their toddler. They didn't bring *anything* for the toddler to do, and expected the toddler to *not* get bored and cranky. Or expecting a kid who's *just* toilet trained to not regress when s/he has a new sibling.

(BTW in the situation that prompted this entry, the parent responded completely appropriately to the child's reaction; I was just surprised that she was unhappy that the child didn't want to do something that a lot of children of that age just wouldn't be ready to do...)

[hammercock.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the additional info. I may have reacted unfairly based on similar statements I've seen spouted by some of the more militant Childfree folks. I've listened to/read a fair number of those folks go on at length about the way people rear their kids, when it's pretty obvious that they have not the first clue what they're talking about and that they just want to rant against Those Awful Breeders and Their Horrible Spawn. (I know you're not one of those, don't worry. :-)

Frankly, though, I think the general problem is not one of empathy, I think it's one of having unrealistic expectations, perhaps based on a lack of knowledge of child development (or, worse, based on just being an asshole).